A Foggy Sense of Calling

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Each week, we will be releasing one of the student blog posts from the Thinking Series Online Course that we find excellent. This week, we share with you a post written by Andrew Esh.


There are few things in my life that I know for sure. I mean there are some concrete truths that I hold to, but when it comes to this question of existence I am all but sure of much. I know that I was created for a purpose, but what that purpose is I really couldn’t tell you.

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When I was in high school I knew that I wanted to pursue a career in working with people. But what does that really look like anyway? I mean, that’s a pretty broad focus as far as vocations go. So I went to Bible school for Psychology. And now I’m about to graduate with just as much certainty about what I want to do with my life as I had when I left high school. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got options, maybe even too many. But what I really want is for my life to count for something… Something far greater than myself.

At our core, I think this is something we all yearn for in one way or another. When I was young, I read a fantasy series called Redwall by Brian Jacques. Each book followed a similar story line where a band of heroes united to overthrow a villain – and always against all odds they’d pull it off. I’d often find myself daydreaming and putting myself in the shoes of one of those heroes. I wanted a purpose and a calling. A story to be swept up into and a role to play in a world that needed me.

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Although the time of daydreaming in that way has passed, I still have those same desires. I wish to be called on and for my life to matter. I think a fear that haunts us all is that the life we’re living is worthless. While I don’t mean to sound hopeless, I think it is beneficial to sit with this for a time.

I often look back at the times I could read those books and just let my imagination run wild. Now it seems that meaning for me is burdensome, not fun and adventurous as I once saw it.

Perhaps there is still hope.

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